I am 20 years old. I live on my own. I cook and clean and support myself. I work hard. I pay my bills on time. I take good care of myself and my health. I am, by every definition, an adult.

Why is it, then, that adults are always referring to me as a “child”? My mother does it, my relatives do it – I find it patronizing and demeaning, and I won’t tolerate it.

I have been brewing in resentment over this for a while, but it has really taken the Holidays and being back at home to push me to actually formulate WHY.

Vonnegut (who else?) said, “What is it the slightly younger people want from the slightly older people? More than anything, I think, they want acknowledgement and without further ado that they are, without question, women and men now. Slightly older people are intolerably stingy about making such acknowledgements.”

Why is that, though? Does acknowledging my experiences and maturity make theirs any less valid? When is it that “adults” look at people like me and say, “Yup, it’s official. You’re a woman.”?

It can’t be the birth of a child. It can’t be marriage.  It can’t be fighting in a war. It can’t be the purchase of some kind of property… many adults never do any of those things and still aren’t called children. It can’t be when the person turns eighteen, or even nineteen; it can’t be when she moves out; it can’t be when she finishes puberty, because I’ve done those things. I’ve filed taxes, voted in every level of election, been fired, been promoted, had my heart broken, worried about money, engaged in sexual activity, and most importantly learned from my mistakes. I’ve even had a few grey hairs (the women in my family go grey prematurely – when she was my age, my mother was already dyeing it).

The men (and sometimes women) in the Mormon culture go on missions for two years, and when they come back they are men and ready to be married. In high society, there’s Cotillion, where teenaged girls are presented as women at a big ball. The Jewish faith has Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I am older (and almost certainly more mature in every aspect) than the youths taking part in these traditions.

I demand to be taken seriously. The next time I am referred to as a child, I will look that person in the eyes and correct them. If they are taken aback by this, I will ask why.

I am not rushing out of childhood. My childhood ended the summer I turned 18. When school ended, I was a child. Shit happened. Come September, I was ready for new responsibilities. I have been an unrecognized adult for over two years now, and this has all been a long time coming.

I am one of you. Treat me as such.